OMG FUCK SHIT FUCK!

It's been a good couple of days.

It really has been. Blury most of it is, but still a good couple days. In my drunken estasy I've confessed my feelings to a girl, played host at a very chill lil party at my house, and I got to hang out and have a beer with an artist which of whom I look up to adermirably. Feeling good, and got my fixie finally. So all around its seems like the new fall semester is gonna shape up to be a good start. Lets hope it stays as golden as these days I've lead in my drunken and consious life.

Oddities and Small Adventures

Life is extreamly lonely at times, but I'm okay with it. I have friends and family, girls come and go in the picture. But in reality I could really careless, I pretty much have what I want. I have what I need, and nothing I dont.

And since the last post, I've been to vegas again. I've saw transformers in Hollywood at a pre-screening. San Jose family came down to visit, got my fixie...finally. Got to ride my bmx for a bit, I've been neglicting it for quite sometime. Also play world of warcraft alot more now, its the time of day where I snack up.

Reunited and feels so good

It feels really satisfying and very heart warming when you are re-united with an old friend that you truely cared about after a long period of time. And it is much more fuzzier feeling when your two best friends get along perfectly the very first day they meet. My circle of true friends is growing again. I will be savoring every moment.

the things that run through my head

Its 2.42am as I start this entry. Akwardly sitting and typing, trying to pre-meditate before I push the plastic keys on my laptop to prevent typos and errors that may mislead those of you who follow my blog. My journal is for the public to see and to grasp a glimps of my life, if they care to.

My nose is stuffy for reason that are beyond my mental capacity. My eyes are heavy, yet refuse to fall shut and let me slip into a deep and sweet slumber. So I begin to ponder, why am I here? Why have the events in my life occured and why have the results lead to this momentary conclusion?

It is not a complaint, nor is it a complete and total warm welcoming. I often ponder about who will complete me. Who is out there for me, just for me and I am there only for them. Love is a scary word I avoid and search whole heartedly for. Compassion and understanding, trust... and why not throw in some a few common interests. I am desperately searching for you who ever you are. As of now my luck has been failing me. I only find new friends, not that it is a bad thing. But none that I can get close to. None that I can be intimate not only physically, but also mentally.

My demands are not great, but they are not low. I often find myself contradicting what I have stated in terms of what kind of personality I want to discover. Maybe I am too young for this, maybe I still have alot more heart breaking hardships I must endure before I finally slip, trip, fall to the ground only to be picked up by eyes not only beautiful in mines, but also deep and determind with life and its struggles.

Oh how I become so poetic when I write these late night rants. Only to find myself to putting up a flawed guard in the reality of my waking day. I shall try to sleep tonight, I shall try to answer and find reason to my quearies. As for now... my mind is left unkept and unswept. Too tired and too blunt for games. On this quest to find this one person to make me whole, to become my world for I will gladly become theirs. Time is patient... and time is always untimely.

I've rid myself of the people that bring me down.

Plain and simple, I dont want your friendship. I do not feel any remorse, and you've been terrible friends to me. Sure you've been here and there with me, but you two ask for too much. Let me live in peace. Just let me live my life poor, and left with untied affairs. But I have had enough, we are are done in every shape and form of the word and I do not have any desire to restart and make up. I'd say goodbye, but I do not have any well wishings for you nor do I wish any demise apon you two. Bottom line... I dont want neither of you in my life any more.

To Ivan... I regret everything, and I've lost too many things. Car, money, friends, and heart. I look forward to seeing you in the future and want to leave things in the past where they belong. I no longer have any ties with anyone or anything that tore us apart. So now it's up to you to accept me back in your life as the new person I have become. As I will do the same for you.

I am a different person now.

Very much like how my title says. I am a very different person now. I have changed my habits, my beliefs, my way of thinking, the way I see life, love, and set backs. I just saw a really old friend of mines blog... and it really hit me. He still see's me the way we set off on our seperate paths. I still hope that we will meet again, and I hope that things get much better for him.

Sad thing is he still associates me with the people we departed with. I have none to very little contact with any of them and sadly... would rather keep it that way. Except for him, he would be excited to know that I went to E3, and thought about asking him to go, even though we dont talk anymore. He would be excited for the fact that I stood in line with Rick Fox waiting to get a giant inflatable wii-mote and thought "hm, im sure he would be stoked too"

But all is said and horribly done. I know I can't be forgivin, but if forgivness is what you are able to find, then I will greatly appriciate it.

My life has gotten better, but still feels empty for I lost a good friend. Though you did not show it, your appriciation for my companionship was heavily felt. I would still like to hang out talk about games, debate about religion, or kick back and have a drink. I am the way I now because you influenced my life enough to set off this way. I miss you, I really do... things are different now, and I hope you see it.